YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
