i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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