I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
