Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
