I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
