So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
wow bdsm is so cute
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
