Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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