My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize