I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
are you so shy because you have an std?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
