The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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