Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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