I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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