I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
