no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
