I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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