She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
