Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
