ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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