So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
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was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
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Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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