im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sorry my hands just texted you
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
