The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I love you.
Bad choice
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