My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
im holly from the hills drunk
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
