also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
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i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
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That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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