i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
