You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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