I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
