Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
