Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
