i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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