kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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