Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
