When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
