Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
