Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
