OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
