AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
