Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
