Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
