My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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