The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
