Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
