Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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