I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
