I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
