Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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