I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
