ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
