If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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