Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
