best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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