; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
