Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
