She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
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By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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