This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
