Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
please don't ironically join a cult
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