Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
