WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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