Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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