just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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