dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
