we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
